


A Pal and a Confidante

by Mosca



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-24
Updated: 2011-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-28 00:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/301872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mosca/pseuds/Mosca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Jinks is alone in the warehouse on a Saturday night with two bags of popcorn, Claudia, and the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Pal and a Confidante

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Maya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maya/gifts).



> Thanks to my fabulous betas, [Pirateygoodness](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pirateygoodness/pseuds/pirateygoodness) and [aphrodite_mine](http://archiveofourown.org/users/aphrodite_mine/pseuds/aphrodite_mine)!

The warehouse had the best TV in the world, and when Steve saw nobody was watching it, he hurried to pop a bowl of popcorn and park in front of it. He was careful to use the regular microwave, not the one that made everything taste like a turkey dinner, and to think benign-to-happy thoughts while he dug a bottle of ginger ale out of the back of the fridge.

The warehouse TV got every show in the world. Not just every channel, but whatever you wanted to watch at the time. If you didn't know what you wanted to watch, it guessed. The problem with that was, if you trudged in with a cup of coffee after a long night of dreaming about evil clowns, every channel would be showing _It_ or _The Bozo Show_ or _The Eyes of Tammy Faye._

As the popcorn popped, Steve daydreamed about how it was a little pathetic to be watching TV and drinking soda on a Saturday night, especially when the more-exciting alternative was to be in a random city extinguishing rogue artifacts. What Univille needed was a gay sports bar. Or a gay softball league. Hell, at this point, he'd settle for a drag cabaret. He was devising strategies for luring drag queens to South Dakota as he sat down, so of course his viewing options were _To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar,_ a documentary on the khatoey of Thailand, and a _RuPaul's Drag Race_ marathon.

He'd enjoyed a full sixty seconds of the latter, and one kernel of popcorn, before Claudia plopped down next to him, stealing a fistful of popcorn and quipping, "Wow, you really _are_ gay."

"Last I checked," Steve said.

"No problem. I like drag queens. And reality TV. Univille could use more drag queens."

"I was just thinking the same thing," Steve said.

"Hence tonight's entertainment?" She really was going to eat all his popcorn. He was resigning himself to that.

Claudia paid him back by granting him some silence, making a second bag of popcorn when she'd plowed through the first, and not stealing the last bottle of ginger ale he'd squirreled in the fridge. It was like she was trying to prove that she understood him. There was an honesty in her silence, a promise that she'd maintain it as long as he needed her to.

It was easy to tell whether or not someone was speaking the truth, but silence was more complicated. A person could pack just as many lies into what they didn't say, but Steve had to get to know someone before he could read that. And he wasn't in the habit of getting to know many people, these days.

All this respect seemed to be making Claudia antsy. She wasn't good at silence or at lying - that was why she was growing on him. So he gave her a break. "That one's pretty cute without the makeup on," he said.

Claudia broke into a grin and nudged Steve with her elbow. "So _that's_ what you're into."

Steve shrugged. "Sometimes."

"I go more for the geeky type," she said. "You know, glasses, familiarity with the Pixies back catalog, awkward stammer when he's entranced by my beauty."

She was utterly telling the truth, and that made Steve laugh. "I'm getting to the point where I'd settle for also gay."

"Yeah, not many dating options in Univille even for the heterosexual among us," she said.

"I'm resigned to a long career of Saturday nights alone with you and the TV."

"Hey, I'll have you know I get out a lot. Sometimes, at least. I had a whole boyfriend for a while." She bounced to her feet; it cracked him up that she literally did that when she had what she thought was a brilliant idea. "And I'm going to get you one. If I have to lure him here with lies and trickery."

"You aren't _capable_ of lies and -"

" _That's_ what you watch when you get to the Westergren first?" Pete startled the heck out of both of them. He had a talent for killing the mood.

Pete usually got to the TV before any of the rest of them were awake. Sometimes, he'd be there in pajamas, watching Saturday morning cartoons. Otherwise, it was baseball games from twenty years ago or _Raiders of the Lost Ark._ Or worse, if he didn't expect anyone to be up for a while. Much worse.

Artie had walked in on Steve the one time Steve had accidentally dialed onto some porn. "I didn't know the human body was capable of that position," Artie had said, although he'd been lying for the sake of the joke.

"It looked like a normal movie at the time," Steve had tried to defend himself.

"They always do," Artie had said. "You just have to clear your mind. Think of kittens or something until it's safe to change the channel."

Koans came in handy for that kind of situation, but Pete wasn't the type for meditation - more the type for busty lifeguards. As everyone else at the warehouse knew. Claudia had warned Steve before he could witness it by accident, in one of her many small, calculated ploys to force Steve to be her friend.

Steve occasionally considered telling her that her plot had already succeeded, but she seemed to enjoy the chase.

"I hear there's some shelf reading to be done in section six, aisle fourteen," Claudia said through a mouthful of probably-intentional popcorn.

"Or you can embrace the drag queen spectacle," Steve piped up.

"You've forced my hand," Pete said, skulking away exaggeratedly. It was clear he was trying to get them to beg him to stay. When the pantomime failed, he got in a parting shot: "Has anyone ever told you two that you deserve each other? You deserve each other like Myka and I do."

"He really believes that," Steve stage-whispered to Claudia.

They didn't talk for a while because on the screen, one drag queen had picked another one up in some kind of pro-wrestling move, and it was uncomfortably riveting. They were fighting to avoid elimination from the show. Sometimes, a girl had to do what a girl had to do.

"I was engaged to a woman for a while," Steve said as the losing drag queen sobbed.

Claudia said nothing.

"One morning, I was on my way to work, and I kissed her on the cheek and told her I loved her," Steve continued. "And she said, 'You're not the only one who can tell when people are lying.' When I came home that night, all her stuff was gone."

Claudia watched him for a moment, annoyed with him and waiting for him to figure out why, which he couldn't. She gave up and asked, "And?"

Of course. Pete got vibes; Steve could sniff out a lie; and Claudia was the most relentless person in the world.

"And then I had a dirty fling with a guy I met in a bar, and then I came out to everyone I knew."

Twice, Claudia got halfway to jumping up out of her seat. It was like something out of a cartoon. Steve almost begged her to _say something._ Finally, calmly, she picked up the remote. "Do you mind?"

"Your turn," Steve said.

She changed the channel. The TV gave her an episode of _Golden Girls._ Bea Arthur and Betty White were sitting at the kitchen table in pantsuits, squabbling about something. " _That_ wasn't what I expected," Claudia said.

"Sure it was," Steve replied.

Claudia cleared her throat, the way she signaled reluctant admissions. "I was going to thank you. And then the theme song got stuck in my head."

It took him a second. "Thank you for being a friend?"

"Yeah, I know. Cheesy."

"The truth isn't always pretty," Steve said.


End file.
